Blogs comeback round 2
i hate changing blogs. but i hate my prev blogsite even more. useless.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Lets hope Shits don't stay
Current mood : Bluerghhh
Current psychotic desire : to kill those (or if they're conveniently dead, their off springs) who thought exams & assignments determines your iq and thus rules your educational life
Current depressing noise outside aparment: stupid assigment-free ppl having fun trashing their beers on ground
Currently humming to: "I don't blame you"- cat power. but yes yes i do blame you! i doooo!
Currently missing : my sister who has managed to remain sane for 5 days this ramadhan. wohooo! & missing my abdul to death :(
Currently craving : the overly-stuffed-slimey-juicy-unnecessarily oily double barrel hotdog in AJ
Current fear : To come back here for a summer course. i hate you lazy genes filling up in body.
Current thought running through head : God. I need a miracle. seriously
Saturday, October 07, 2006
2+3=blahhhhh
I dont get it.
the whole by the time you hit a certain age you'd know what you want in life. the whole everything will fall through. the whole it will happen.. just wait and see. what a bunch of bull. the whole lot is just a stupid excuse we tell ourselves or foolishly feed on so once again we wont freak out and just break into pieces.
I'm a sucker for drama.
I break at the sight or instance of any form of trouble. and i'm not bragging about it although at this point it might be the only thing certain in my life. i'm not proud that at 23 im still stuck in a 2-hour lecture hall listening to some dr @ supposed expert in pop culture and day dreaming about being rich and living happily ever after with my chloes. im not proud that at 23 i dunno shit bout time-management, financial-management and what more emotional-management. i'm not proud that at 23 im still having 2nd, 3rd, 4th thoughts about what im doing and if my masters is what i really need or what i really want for that matter. i'm not proud that at 23 im still confused, bitter and not over the fact that im 23 and that means im a year a way from 24 and 2 years away from 25 meaning not far from having spent half of my young adulthood complaining that i dunno what i want.
What i want what i want. what is it that i want.
it changes with my mood. sometimes i want love. but those who have been slapped and bruised by love tells me its not everything. so then id want money. but we all know money just makes you greedy and want everything else more more more. so then id want happiness instead. but isnt happiness is about being satisfied wh what you've got? and im never that. satisfied. so happiness is definitely outta the question.. at least for now.. its just wayy up there at the point of calmness ala-ala buddha-zen-contentment-modest-life thing. so then id want to be famous. yeah rite. no i dont. my life is not great. but i don't want to screw it up even more. i dont need strange ppl kissing & polishing my ass just so they'd watch my ego swell up like a big giant pimple and when the time is right, pop a needle in it so it'll explode into a huge mess of puss and regeret and slime and pain and sins. so what is it that i want?
i want it all
love, money, happiness, fame.
but this is my problem. so caught up in the need to achieve something that i dont see the truth. the truth about life and the truth in which we all are too spoilt with.
choices.
too many choices. too many opprtunities. too much time.
ive lost the ability to pick only one. so im forever damned.
i'm 23 and im useless.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Lets hope Shits don't stay
Current mood : Bluerghhh
Current psychotic desire : to kill those (or if they're conveniently dead, their off springs) who thought exams & assignments determines your iq and thus rules your educational life
Current depressing noise outside aparment: stupid assigment-free ppl having fun trashing their beers on ground
Currently humming to: "I don't blame you"- cat power. but yes yes i do blame you! i doooo!
Currently missing : my sister who has managed to remain sane for 5 days this ramadhan. wohooo! & missing my abdul to death :(
Currently craving : the overly-stuffed-slimey-juicy-unnecessarily oily double barrel hotdog in AJ
Current fear : To come back here for a summer course. i hate you lazy genes filling up in body.
Current thought running through head : God. I need a miracle. seriously
Saturday, October 07, 2006
2+3=blahhhhh
I dont get it.
the whole by the time you hit a certain age you'd know what you want in life. the whole everything will fall through. the whole it will happen.. just wait and see. what a bunch of bull. the whole lot is just a stupid excuse we tell ourselves or foolishly feed on so once again we wont freak out and just break into pieces.
I'm a sucker for drama.
I break at the sight or instance of any form of trouble. and i'm not bragging about it although at this point it might be the only thing certain in my life. i'm not proud that at 23 im still stuck in a 2-hour lecture hall listening to some dr @ supposed expert in pop culture and day dreaming about being rich and living happily ever after with my chloes. im not proud that at 23 i dunno shit bout time-management, financial-management and what more emotional-management. i'm not proud that at 23 im still having 2nd, 3rd, 4th thoughts about what im doing and if my masters is what i really need or what i really want for that matter. i'm not proud that at 23 im still confused, bitter and not over the fact that im 23 and that means im a year a way from 24 and 2 years away from 25 meaning not far from having spent half of my young adulthood complaining that i dunno what i want.
What i want what i want. what is it that i want.
it changes with my mood. sometimes i want love. but those who have been slapped and bruised by love tells me its not everything. so then id want money. but we all know money just makes you greedy and want everything else more more more. so then id want happiness instead. but isnt happiness is about being satisfied wh what you've got? and im never that. satisfied. so happiness is definitely outta the question.. at least for now.. its just wayy up there at the point of calmness ala-ala buddha-zen-contentment-modest-life thing. so then id want to be famous. yeah rite. no i dont. my life is not great. but i don't want to screw it up even more. i dont need strange ppl kissing & polishing my ass just so they'd watch my ego swell up like a big giant pimple and when the time is right, pop a needle in it so it'll explode into a huge mess of puss and regeret and slime and pain and sins. so what is it that i want?
i want it all
love, money, happiness, fame.
but this is my problem. so caught up in the need to achieve something that i dont see the truth. the truth about life and the truth in which we all are too spoilt with.
choices.
too many choices. too many opprtunities. too much time.
ive lost the ability to pick only one. so im forever damned.
i'm 23 and im useless.
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