jam 3pagi

out of pure boredom, i tried to draw a smiley face on my knee.
round eyes and a stick nose
but my skin didn't accept the smile. i jabbed at my skin a few times till it was red and that its hard jabs since im not exactly fair. but the ink refused to make its mark.
just my luck.
even my knee is unhappy.
i do not know the problem.
and if i do..how would that make a difference?
when your mind is just so exhausted and your body is broken nothing else seems to matter.
what is the problem? maybe the pen is fucked. maybe my body is stubborn. maybe its a conspiracy...... of what cause and proportion, i still have not decided on.
my thoughts are just full of shit at the moment. more so than usual. so it is bad. very bad.
full of excuses. that is why i feel like my life is just rubbish.
so tired at such a young age. what a waste. of my parent's sweat and the country's hopes. The problem with me, and my generation is that we are a recalcitrant lot. that's the word. recalcitrant. we talk and complain and ask for more. forever asking for more. more choice, more freedom, more fun. but we do nothing. most of us at least.
it's not that we don't know how too. we're certainly not lazy. we're just too chicken shit to try. afraid of being disappointed and to disappoint. whatever happened to teen spirit and our raging youths? too busy getting caught up with chemicals and disillusioned excitements. we are so screwed and remain screwing.
and here i am
expressing myself
sounding so philosophical
being all hollier-than-thou
when its all a sham so i can lean on this false purpose.
our stand is bullshit and we know it
but still we never choose to act
why should we? when leading a life of ignorent bliss seems much simpler and easier to handle.
right?

i don't know what is going on but stress could be a main factor
stupid thesis could be another
booo :(