Remember to live
Somehow slumber became my cowardly enemy last night
i felt its presence yet it was lurking in the corners shying away from taking charge and consuming me whole.
Just my luck
It was 4.30 am. Freezing cold outside.
I pitied the cleaners as i heard their dust machine wheezing back and forth.
I pitied my neighbour who kept coughing although i was at the verge of yelling for him to shut the hell-up.
I pitied the ambulance driver and the police and the firemen who graced my street at that wee hour of the morning because some dumb teenager was probably too high to switch off the smoke detector while smoking up
I pitied my brain which was battling the war of past memories.
which should have been long forgotten
which should have been long burried
which should have been long lost
It was a memory of my abah. during a certain point in our lives. during that certain bond we shared. for a short moment in our daily routines.
In between his trips my mother and i devoted our time to seeing him fly off.. and the journey to the airpot was our time. my mother's, my abah's, mine.
time held us apart. but that time locked us together.
and somehow the stagnant time i was trapped in lastnight
the stagnant time between slumder and wake
i remembered
i felt
i smelled
i lived
again. all of it. all over again
i remebered...
how the side of my face fit perfectly in the centre of his chest
how his breathing echoed mine
how his crisp-ironed shirt felt soft and smooth against my skin
how the ride along the highway was long and quite
yet i remebered...
how our silence was our comfort
how our eyes were open but saw nothing
how our minds were far but touch kept us close
how our slumber came and froze our connection
and i remember
i woke to say goodbye
i woke to watch him walk away
i woke to begin counting for the days
for his return
for another departure
of all the memories of my abah.
this is what i remember most
and i know i am guilty of forcing myself to forget
because i admit sometimes its the only way i can move on without him
but on a night of random thoughts
on a simple night of broken slumber
i begin to remember
i remembered
that i can never forget the most important man in my life..
i remember
i felt its presence yet it was lurking in the corners shying away from taking charge and consuming me whole.
Just my luck
It was 4.30 am. Freezing cold outside.
I pitied the cleaners as i heard their dust machine wheezing back and forth.
I pitied my neighbour who kept coughing although i was at the verge of yelling for him to shut the hell-up.
I pitied the ambulance driver and the police and the firemen who graced my street at that wee hour of the morning because some dumb teenager was probably too high to switch off the smoke detector while smoking up
I pitied my brain which was battling the war of past memories.
which should have been long forgotten
which should have been long burried
which should have been long lost
It was a memory of my abah. during a certain point in our lives. during that certain bond we shared. for a short moment in our daily routines.
In between his trips my mother and i devoted our time to seeing him fly off.. and the journey to the airpot was our time. my mother's, my abah's, mine.
time held us apart. but that time locked us together.
and somehow the stagnant time i was trapped in lastnight
the stagnant time between slumder and wake
i remembered
i felt
i smelled
i lived
again. all of it. all over again
i remebered...
how the side of my face fit perfectly in the centre of his chest
how his breathing echoed mine
how his crisp-ironed shirt felt soft and smooth against my skin
how the ride along the highway was long and quite
yet i remebered...
how our silence was our comfort
how our eyes were open but saw nothing
how our minds were far but touch kept us close
how our slumber came and froze our connection
and i remember
i woke to say goodbye
i woke to watch him walk away
i woke to begin counting for the days
for his return
for another departure
of all the memories of my abah.
this is what i remember most
and i know i am guilty of forcing myself to forget
because i admit sometimes its the only way i can move on without him
but on a night of random thoughts
on a simple night of broken slumber
i begin to remember
i remembered
that i can never forget the most important man in my life..
i remember
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