Nenek ku..
i miss my nenek
and while im trying extremely hard to hold back from giving myself a smack in the head i decided to let the tears conquer instead.
sob sob sob i went..
thinking bout my nenek
and how i take her for granted
no
have not really cared.
its not that i dont love her. my god my nenek is everything to me.
but being the young, selfish n irresponsible cucu that i am i watch her waste her days away in her room hoping that maybe one day for a few minutes a week her cucu would call and ask her how shes doing.
"wang makan doh?"
just three simple words. what makes it so difficult? why am i so ignorent to the fact that my time is not just meant to be indulged for my own needs alone.
My nenek is a superwoman. I used to look up to her (literally & metaphorically) when i was about 6. Being a puny kid that i was my nenek seemed like the tallest women i knew and i wanted to grow up having the exact same figure as hers. I always saw her that way. Tall & Beautiful old woman who had the shinniest hair ever (learned later this was thanks to her monthly inai). Then one day my tummy acted up and after my mom realised i wasn't faking it to skip school i went to the hospital to get the bloody apendix out.
6 weeks.
I had to go on a "soft food" diet. which basically meant just eating porridge.
and after bout the 5th day i got so sick of it that i might as well just be back in the hospital.
It wasn't a medical problem
Just a simple case of 'brat-ness'
But my nenek. she worked her magic on me. and for the whole 6 weeks, porridge was my best friend.
I wouldn't eat it if she wasn't feeding me. It had to be her. Had to be cooked by her. Had to have her ikan haruan in it. Had to be her song.
Ikan ruang pangang saje
Nok masok takdok bara
Anok orang pandang saje
Nok mintok takdok belanje
Ngaaappp makan!
and so with each ngap i swallowed a spoonful of porridge. This went on for six weeks. For each spoon feed, each meal time, each day every week. She would sing. As i would eat.
And that was it. My nenek. Super woman.
Joni mitchell sings on and on it goes that you don't know what you've got till its gone... and i, of all people should know the most how true this is. How hurtful this realisation can be as it slowly sets into you. So why wait people? why just sit, think, reminisce and regret later bout things you should or shouldnt have done? Why let yourself go through the pain? Should you chose your ego then live with it for the rest of your life. If you're not ready for the consequenses then do something bout it. Doesn't matter what it is you do. Do something.
I called my nenek this morning
she is well
she was crying
she was happy
"wang makan doh?"
"makan doh wok, buat ape tu?"
"nok pegi kelas. wang sihat dok?"
"wok telipon, mestilah sihat"
my nenek. superwoman.
and while im trying extremely hard to hold back from giving myself a smack in the head i decided to let the tears conquer instead.
sob sob sob i went..
thinking bout my nenek
and how i take her for granted
no
have not really cared.
its not that i dont love her. my god my nenek is everything to me.
but being the young, selfish n irresponsible cucu that i am i watch her waste her days away in her room hoping that maybe one day for a few minutes a week her cucu would call and ask her how shes doing.
"wang makan doh?"
just three simple words. what makes it so difficult? why am i so ignorent to the fact that my time is not just meant to be indulged for my own needs alone.
My nenek is a superwoman. I used to look up to her (literally & metaphorically) when i was about 6. Being a puny kid that i was my nenek seemed like the tallest women i knew and i wanted to grow up having the exact same figure as hers. I always saw her that way. Tall & Beautiful old woman who had the shinniest hair ever (learned later this was thanks to her monthly inai). Then one day my tummy acted up and after my mom realised i wasn't faking it to skip school i went to the hospital to get the bloody apendix out.
6 weeks.
I had to go on a "soft food" diet. which basically meant just eating porridge.
and after bout the 5th day i got so sick of it that i might as well just be back in the hospital.
It wasn't a medical problem
Just a simple case of 'brat-ness'
But my nenek. she worked her magic on me. and for the whole 6 weeks, porridge was my best friend.
I wouldn't eat it if she wasn't feeding me. It had to be her. Had to be cooked by her. Had to have her ikan haruan in it. Had to be her song.
Ikan ruang pangang saje
Nok masok takdok bara
Anok orang pandang saje
Nok mintok takdok belanje
Ngaaappp makan!
and so with each ngap i swallowed a spoonful of porridge. This went on for six weeks. For each spoon feed, each meal time, each day every week. She would sing. As i would eat.
And that was it. My nenek. Super woman.
Joni mitchell sings on and on it goes that you don't know what you've got till its gone... and i, of all people should know the most how true this is. How hurtful this realisation can be as it slowly sets into you. So why wait people? why just sit, think, reminisce and regret later bout things you should or shouldnt have done? Why let yourself go through the pain? Should you chose your ego then live with it for the rest of your life. If you're not ready for the consequenses then do something bout it. Doesn't matter what it is you do. Do something.
I called my nenek this morning
she is well
she was crying
she was happy
"wang makan doh?"
"makan doh wok, buat ape tu?"
"nok pegi kelas. wang sihat dok?"
"wok telipon, mestilah sihat"
my nenek. superwoman.
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